


When Summer Ends

by Discordance



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Because this story seriously needs a LOT of Hurt/Comfort Tags, Bromance, But also a lot of angst so..., Car Accident, Chapter 4 is your ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No pairings - Freeform, OT7, Or you may continue reading...it's your choice, Psychological Trauma, Unless you search for them, Yunhyeong is loved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 10:51:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11160363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Discordance/pseuds/Discordance
Summary: Just that night, he left before everyone did. They didn't notice. Or they didn't stop him. But in the end, it all came down to the same price.Bobby-hyung appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, a contemplative look on his face. He looked straight at Chanwoo. "...Did you see if Yunhyeong was in bed last night?"





	1. Glass

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER
> 
>  I do not own any of the characters, they belong to themselves - I am only using fictional versions of them in a fictional timeline for entertainment purposes. As such, none of the events in this story are true and should not be considered as future events. Any known objects, places, etc. that may be recognized do not belong to me.
> 
>  
> 
> The continuances of this story will be posted without an established order of updates. Please read at your own discretion.
> 
> Comments are highly recommended to provide the author with much needed motivation in overthrowing any symptoms of Writer's Block.
> 
> The author is also open to suggestions of plot points and scenes.
> 
> This story will be slow-developing. It is by the author's will and abilities that the pace is set to reveal little yet much at the same time. If emotions are sparked as the result of a chapter, it will be considered as work well-done. 

 

_9:00 AM_

The numbers reflected on the surface of large charcoal eyes practically hidden under a fringe of black messy hair. The eyes blinked blearily at the screen before closing resignedly, face collapsing onto the pillow with a groan.

It was a typical 10 seconds before Chanwoo unwrapped himself from the confines of his toasty comforter and slid out of bed, slipping on the slippers left haphazardly underneath. He yawned and stretched, which caused the simple white t-shirt he wore to rise and show the barest hint of skin above the waistline of his shorts.

The room was messy, which he knew would have made or did make Yunhyeong-hyung extremely aghast. But seeing as how the elder’s bed was made and clean as usual, he had managed to slip out extra quiet without waking him up to see his reaction.

Chanwoo got up and headed into the hallway to the bathroom for his daily morning ritual. On the way, he peeked into each of the hyungs’ rooms. Jinhwan-hyung's bed was empty. Hanbin-hyung was cocooned in his blanket in a deep sleep, probably because of another late night in the studio. Bobby-hyung was surprisingly not in his room, as well as Junhoe. Donghyuk, from what he could hear, was singing and taking a shower in the other bathroom. Looks like for once, most of his hyungs were up before him, but then again, he did also have a late night in the studio practicing. He just went straight to the shower and bed as soon as he got back.

Toweling his hair as he walked to the kitchen after taking a quick shower, he strained his ears to hear the clatter of pans or the simmer of breakfast. He didn’t hear anything, but as soon as he entered the kitchen, he saw the eldest but shortest hyung rummaging through the contents of the refrigerator.

Yunhyeong-hyung would usually be one of the first ones up to make breakfast for all the members, so it was a surprising that he was not yet cooking up a storm.

“Jinhwan-hyung, have you seen Yunhyeong-hyung?” he asked as he strode over to look through the cupboards for something to eat.

“Not since yesterday,” was the slightly muffled reply. His puppy-like features emerged from the fridge, holding a glass of orange juice and a plate of leftovers in his hands. He nudged the door closed with his knee.

“Groceries?” He decided that he didn’t want to cook yet, so he grabbed a bowl and a cereal box instead. “Hyung, could you get me the milk?”

“Aish, I’m already at the table!”

“Oh, really?”

Jinhwan-hyung placed his glass on the table and walked over to the fridge. He quickly grabbed the milk and set it in Chanwoo’s arms. “Here.”

“Thank you~” he murmured, opening a drawer with one hand to search for a spoon.

Donghyuk entered. His hair was damp like Chanwoo’s. “What? Yunhyeong-hyung’s not cooking, yet?”

“He’s not here,” Jinhwan answered. He was warming up the leftover food in the microwave.

“Really? Aw.”

“Why is everyone doubting what I say?”  Donghyuk and Chanwoo shared a look and the former laughed while the latter snickered. Jinhwan sighed aggravatedly at them, renewing their amusement just as it was about to die out.

“Does anyone know where Junhoe and Bobby are at, then?” Donghyuk had chosen a layered sandwich (healthy, since he was on a diet, but which in turn converted Jinhwan into a mothering hen) and milk as his food of choice and they were all munching heartily into their food at the table.

“Awkward Couple is on a date~!” Donghyuk sang in glee.

“I wondered where they were too. They weren’t there when I got up,” Chanwoo said. “What time did you get up, hyung?”

“Around 8. Yunhyeong wasn’t in bed, so I figured he did go out to get some groceries, but he hasn’t come back yet. Junhoe and Bobby were here when I got up, I think they left while I was taking a shower.” Jinhwan sipped his orange juice. “I don’t know where they could’ve gone off to.”

“Huh.”

After the meal, they did Rock-Paper-Scissors to figure out who would be washing the combined dishes. Jinhwan lost, so both the youngest and the former youngest fled to their rooms in unrestrained joy. 

It was a day off today, so the members could enjoy the small little vacation within the city and relax as much as they were able to. He couldn’t say the same for Hanbin-hyung because even though he was the middle child of the group, he was still their leader and he thought enough of work for all of them combined. It was only the occasional day off that he was finally able to be stress-free, at least for the moment.

It was quite a rarity that they were able to have group meals of all eight members for any of the meals throughout the day. Before and after their debut, they would spend day and night at the practice studio perfecting their skills. Everyone had limits, so most of the time some of them would leave to eat while the others continued on until late noon. And now, they were even working so hard on preparing a whole new album for their eagerly waiting fans. He couldn’t wait until their next vacation, to be honest.

Chanwoo gave a cursory glance of his bed and decided to fold it for once before Yunhyeong-hyung got back.

After doing so, he proceeded to plop down on the cover, lying on his belly with long legs stretched out across the length of the comforter. He took out his phone and scrolled through it to find the first game that gave a daily reward every time he logged in.

Yunhyeong-hyung always said he played too many games, but he could tell he secretly enjoyed the sounds and music that permeated throughout the room – when it was clean and Yunhyeong-hyung was not in a rare bad mood, of course. It was a sign that he wasn’t all alone and that Chanwoo was safe and within reach. After the minor incident in which they almost lost Chanwoo on their way through a large throng of fans in the airport, it became a habit for him to check where Chanwoo was, subconsciously bringing it home, as well. His hyung could be quite sentimental sometimes, but not too often that Chanwoo would not be touched by his concern anymore.

He still remembered the first day that he watched WIN: Who Is Next on television. At the time, he was at home, watching TV while his mother was cooking his favorite home-made meal in the kitchen. It was purely by accident that he managed to come across the channel sponsored by M-net. Even more surprising was seeing a group of boys sitting in a training room that looked much like the YG training rooms he had watched BIGBANG practice in for video footages.

It had been the first episode. He later found out that the group of boys he first saw were called Team B, which included the first three Kim’s, Jinhwan, the eldest, Bobby, the rapper, Hanbin (B.I.) the leader and rapper, as well as the three vocals, Koo Junhoe, Song Yunhyeong, and Kim Donghyuk. They had to go against the other team, Team A, who were their elders in training.

He remembered he had watched every single episode from then on while it was broadcasted. His mother soon joined him on the couch a few episodes into the series, and they both shared their views on the teams and program.

They both agreed that Team A was by far the most skilled team in terms of singing – though they didn’t know about the rapping because no one rapped in the family. Team B, on the other hand, was the best concerning teamwork and dancing, although they could clearly see that a few of them were proficient enough when it came to their voice/rapping.

It was difficult to decide who would debut, but in the end, it was clear that Team A’s improved skills had been enough to make it clear that they were going to be the winner. That, and the fans’ votes, which had overtaken Team B’s votes for all rounds by just a small percentage. So, when the results came, he was not surprised to hear who won.

In all honesty, while he did admire Team A for their individuality and unique skills, he felt closer to Team B because he knew they were all around his age. Despite technically being their sunbae because of his childhood acting history, he admired them for taking that large step into training to become an idol, sacrificing their schooling and years with their family despite not knowing if they would make it or not (of course, this was the case for many other trainees and idols, but Team B was one of the few he actually followed). And the fact that even though some of them had been practicing for only about a year before almost being ready for debut was astounding.

He saw their tears and witnessed their pain, and felt bad for them because he knew that Team A would win, despite all their hard work.

And then they lost and that was it. They disappeared from the media world for a long time, scarred and hurting but within each other’s comfort.

Turns out that that program was the key element in persuading him to pursue life as a singer. Yunhyeong-hyung, who had started straight from scratch and had previously wanted to become an actor like him, was one of the many proofs that Chanwoo had with whether or not he would have a chance to succeed in the idol career. Junhoe had wanted to be a dancer and Donghyuk had been a golden student in school. They all had wanted to pursue different things, but despite their lack of experience and skills, they were all accepted because they had the will and passion to sing.

Chanwoo wanted to be like that. He loved to sing, but he didn’t think that he was good enough to become an idol. He also had acting to occupy his time. But his career could only take up so much of his life, and he was left with wondering why he did not feel as satisfied. And then the program came and it revealed the path that he had previously dismissed because of uncertainty. He wanted to become an idol – a singer, and he was planning on taking that opportunity up before it was too late.

When auditions came, he signed up for YG-Entertainment. He answered the interview questions as thoughtfully and sincerely as possible. The audition tape was recorded and he fussed over the video to hear if his voice sounded shaky and horrible from nerves. Then he sent it, applications and all.

He received a letter of acceptance some weeks later. His family threw a get-together with relatives to celebrate his success. It was thoroughly embarrassing but at the same time he felt grateful. His mom’s homemade feast was a bonus.

In just a short amount of time, he found himself in the YG training rooms while being instructed by those assigned to teach him. He barely had any contact with other trainees, and he never once saw any sign of the trainees he admired from WIN. It was lonely, but he was still pursuing his dream, and he was fine with that.

Then he and another trainee, Jinhyeong, were summoned to the YG building and they were informed that they would be participating in a survival competition with Team B. It was the single most nerve-wracking moment in his life – from the journey there to meeting the famous trainees themselves (and the CEO for the first time).

He remembered their faces until even now. The last that was seen of them was their participation in the YG Family Tour in 2014. They were tired, vaguely unhappy and shocked (probably because they were dropped the bomb just before they arrived), and didn’t look as if they knew how they should react to them. So really, he was thankful beyond relief when Bobby-hyung and Yunhyeong-hyung started cracking jokes and lightening the atmosphere. At that moment, when one-by-one the other members' expressions slowly but surely melted into ones of slight curiosity and the corners of their lips started to curl upwards silently, he felt that the room had become a whole lot brighter. 

And everything after that...was a history he would never forget.

“WHAT’S FOR BREAKFAST?”

“Kim Jiwon, be quiet!”

“He was like this the whole time.”

Bobby-hyung and Junhoe were back. Chanwoo quickly finished the game he was on and got up to walk to the living room, leaving his phone on the bed since he didn't think it would take long to get back. He was very curious about where Bobby-hyung and Junhoe went. They don’t go out together that often as much as the others.

Junhoe had collapsed onto the sofa with his feet hanging off the edge of the arm. Bobby-hyung was obviously in the kitchen looking for food and probably bothering Jinhwan-hyung as usual. Junhoe looked up at Chanwoo’s entrance.

“Where did you go?” Chanwoo asked.

“Out,” was Junhoe’s smart reply.

“With Bobby-hyung?”

“He wanted to tag along and go to the store to buy something.”

Chanwoo could just imagine the awkward silence as they walked on the sidewalk. Some of his amusement must have shown on his face because Junhoe scoffed at him. Well, at least he didn’t glare this time. He could be scary just by looking at you alone. Bobby-hyung must have been good company.

“What about Yunhyeong?” came Jinhwan-hyung’s voice.

“What about him?” Bobby-hyung replied.

“You didn’t see him anywhere?”

“Were we supposed to?”

The two older members were just standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counters as they discussed.

“He doesn’t usually take this long.”

“You know how Yunhyeong is, he's probably making sure that he gets the right ingredients. You know, the best ones.”

“I guess. He just doesn't usually stay out this long when he knows everyone is waking up.”

“Hyung, don’t worry! It’s only morning. He’ll turn up later when he wants to.” No teasing this time. Was Bobby-hyung worried, too?

Jinhwan-hyung left to change his clothes for the day, saying that he was going out for a walk. Chanwoo was sitting by Junhoe’s head on the seat of the sofa. The slightly older member had thrown an arm over his face and was breathing deeply. Bobby-hyung appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, a contemplative look on his face. He looked straight at Chanwoo and asked, “Did you see if Yunhyeong was in bed last night?”

He blinked in surprise. Thinking back and saying hesitantly, “His...bed was made. But I can’t remember if he was sleeping when I came...Yunhyeong-hyung wakes up if I turn on the lights and he's been sleeping quietly recently.” He searched his hyung's face, seeing an indecipherable look cross over his features. "Why? What's wrong, Bobby-hyung?"

But he didn't answer. He just nodded quite jerkily and made his way towards the bedroom with slightly rushed steps. Chanwoo watched him go apprehensively. He turned to Junhoe, listened, and asked, “Where’s the manager?” He didn’t get an answer. “Where’s Yunhyuk-hyung, Junhoe? Do you know?”

“Why are you asking  _me_  that?” Junhoe groused, but he lifted his arm from his face to pierce a look at Chanwoo. “He said he had an emergency back at home, so he left yesterday. Can’t believe you didn’t bother to notice.”

“None of us know where Yunhyeong-hyung is. Do you have your phone? Can you try calling him?” Junhoe eyed him in silence before he got up to lean against the back of the sofa properly. Chanwoo scooted in closer when he brought out his phone, though he had to look away for a few seconds when Junhoe paused in doing his password. He scrolled down his contacts and tapped the elder’s name. The phone was put on speaker so they could clearly hear the ringer.

_Riiiing._

_Riiiing._

_Riiiing._

_Riii –_

They both leaned forward in surprise.

_“The number – “_

Junhoe ended it in frustration and pressed call again. On the fourth ring, the same telephone machine came up. Aggravatedly, he continued the same process. When he ended the call at the mechanical voice and was about to repeat, Chanwoo stopped him by pushing his arm. “Hyung’s phone is off. There’s no point in calling again.”

“Who was he with?” Junhoe said. “Where was he last night?”

“We were all at the practice rooms,” Chanwoo said, confused.

“He left, I saw him. Where did he go?”

“He left?” Chanwoo stared at him. “Junhoe, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why would I say anything?” Junhoe glared at him, anxiety making him very snappy. “Point is, I saw him leave last night before everyone else. He was on the phone.”

“Why didn’t you—?” Chanwoo stopped when he realized there was no point on dwelling on it. He stood up. “We should tell this to Bobby-hyung.”

“You’re talking a lot all of a sudden.”

“Yunhyeong-hyung is missing, Junhoe. He never stays out without telling us first.”

“What if he just went to his family’s house? They live not far from here.”

“Without telling us?” Not waiting for Junhoe, he went into the hallway. By the time he was at the stairs, he could hear Junhoe’s footsteps following after him.

Bobby-hyung was on his cell-phone when they got to his bedroom. He was holding it to his ear and he seemed serious to the point of being intense. When they came in, he put down the phone but didn’t look at them. “Yunhyuk-hyung said that he didn’t say anything. I called Yunhyeong’s mom and dad, but they weren’t answering.”

Even though they were not the closest trio out of all the members, they instantly understood the atmosphere inside the room. Junhoe gestured for Chanwoo to close the door. They all remained standing as Junhoe relayed the limited information he had on Yunhyeong-hyung’s whereabouts. Then, Bobby-hyung’s phone vibrated. He looked down at it and his face became a little less tense, but not by much. “It's his sister. Eunjin just texted me that she asked him to buy something important for their restaurant last night because they were having a rush hour in the restaurant. She knew that he would be at the company nearby the place she asked him to go to.” He showed them the screen. “This is the address. Do you recognize it?”

Junhoe peered at it. “Why would she want him to go there?”

Another text and Bobby read through it slowly, his lips pursing. “They needed a new cash register, she said. The other one was refusing to work and they were having trouble getting the money out. People were starting to get impatient and she couldn’t get a hold of any of us when he didn’t come.”

“Why is she texting anyway? Wouldn’t it be faster to just call?”

He took a moment to text and wait for a response. “She’s in the middle of an important meeting. They would kick her out if they saw her using the phone because they’re not very understanding.” He put the phone away in his pocket and grabbed one of the jackets that hung from the bedpost. “Let’s go.”

“What?” Chanwoo and Junhoe stumbled after him as he opened the door and stalked out.

“Wait, hyung, are we going to tell the others?”

 

* * *

 

“Good morning!” Bobby-hyung greeted warmly. He looked completely at ease, if one didn't notice his tense shoulders.

A man stood behind the counter and looked up at the greeting. Chanwoo thought he looked unhappy, but when he greeted in a vaguely welcomingly way, he realized that the man must have a natural poker-face. “How can I help you?” He put away the book he was reading.

The shop itself was medium-sized but noticeably high in quality and relatively cheap in price. It was no wonder that Eunji requested the place. There were various mechanical bits and objects laid on shelves, including the cash registers at the back. Everything was polished and cleaned. Chanwoo had never been in such a store before.

“We’re looking for a friend. We were told that he came here last night.”

“Last night? I don’t get a lot of customers in the evening...”

“Please remember, sir, it’s very urgent.” They rattled off what they could remember of Yunhyeong-hyung's appearance the night before.

“And you say he was around your age?” Bobby-hyung nodded. "My memory is not exactly reliable, but uh...I believe that someone did come yesterday. You said he had bangs, too?"

Chanwoo immediately looked away from eying a shiny doorknob to stare at the shopkeeper. “Yeah,” Junhoe responded quickly. “Right here – here’s a picture.” He found a photo in his phone and showed it.

The man frowned. “Yes, that’s him.You say he came here last night?”

“Yes sir, do you know where he went?”

“I can tell you that he bought one of my models at a good price,” he waved a hand in the general direction of the cash registers. “But I can’t tell you where he went afterwards. Since we don’t do deliveries, I assume that he walked with the package or hitched a ride on a bus or cab. He was headed in the direction of the main road when he left.”

“He didn’t say anything? Not even a little bit?” Bobby-hyung asked.

“He was a polite kid, but he was in a hurry. Saying he wanted to get back to something as soon as possible. Apologized a lot, too.” Yeah, that was Yunhyeong-hyung, all right.

“Thank you. Thank you! We’re sorry for barging in like this.” Bobby-hyung bowed several times and headed out, Chanwoo and Junhoe following his example.

Outside, they stood in place and looked around. “So he went here, but Eunjin said that he didn’t come to the restaurant." Under the slow burn of anxiety, Chanwoo couldn’t help but find comfort knowing that they knew more than they had before.

 

* * *

 

Jinhwan exited the kitchen, scrolling through his phone while gulping through a bottle of water. The living was empty for once so he dropped down on the couch with a sigh of content. He took another swig of water, this time glancing thoughtfully at the black screen of the TV across the room. The eldest leaned forward for a few moments and then reached for the remote control on the table in front of him. A ‘ _ping_ ’ made him check back at his phone to reply before he finally pressed the power button.

And yelped loudly (not that he would admit it later) at the large boom of explosion, making him fumble to turn down the volume. Donghyuk suddenly plopped down next to him holding his ears with a wince. “Bobby,” Jinhwan groused.

“What is with him and action movies?” Donghyuk asked, uncovering his ears finally.

“He should at least turn it down so that the neighbors wouldn't hear.” Jinhwan gave the controller to the former youngest. They watched for a few moments as Donghyuk surfed through the channels, trying to find one that would keep their attention.

“Oh, how about this, hyung?”

Jinhwan stared at it with a blank face.

“That’s a no. How about this?”

“I already watched that last week.”

“Aww.”

Jinhwan took the remote that Donghyuk later offered up in resignation and began to continue searching for channels to watch. It took only a short amount of time before he finally reached one that seemed at least slightly interesting.

“Really, hyung? The news?” Donghyuk groaned and laughed at the same time.

“It’s good to keep updated on what’s happening outside,” he defended. “And look, see, there was an incident nearby. It's a great way to know where to stay away from traffic.”

“Or you could use common sense, hyung. There are always people crowding everywhere and I’m sure we could see the police lights miles away.” 

Jinhwan acted offended, but soon excused himself to grab a glass of water (he was really dehydrated today). Donghyuk remained on the sofa with a look on his face that suggested that he was still interested despite his complaints.

“…That’s really near here…”

 

* * *

 

“Where did he go? Why would he leave without telling us where he went?”

Junhoe shrugged. “So, where to next?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Bobby-hyung sank to the concrete ground and squatted dejectedly. He then placed his elbows on his knees and put his chin on one up-turned palm, staring at the park across the street.

 

* * *

 

“Donghyuk, do you want anything from the fridge?” Jinhwan asked. He opened the refrigerator to look at its contents, holding his glass in his hands. He hoped Yunhyeong would come back soon with more groceries, because it seemed that they were running out of food. He lifted his head when he realized that Donghyuk didn’t answer. “Donghyuk, I said do you want anything from the fridge?”

 

* * *

 

“Let’s just go home, I’m sure he’ll turn up later.”

“It’s obvious you’re still worried. We should just keep looking.”

"How about Chanwoo - you take that side, and Junhoe will take that side. I'll go through the park."

"But is that a good idea? We've been on TV, people may know us and wonder why we are looking around."

 

* * *

 

Jinhwan stepped back from the refrigerator, craning his neck to try to have a view of the living room. But from what he could tell, the former youngest was still on the same spot as before. “Donghyuk! Are you listening to me?”

“…H-hyung?”

 

* * *

 

“You know, what if he just forgot?”

“It’s possible.”

 

* * *

 

Jinhwan’s heart almost stopped at the tremble of the younger’s quiet voice. He slammed the door shut and rushed out of the kitchen. “What? What is it?” Donghyuk’s face was pale as a blank sheet and his hand was shaking as he slowly pointed at the TV.

 

* * *

 

“I received a text from Eunjin, again!” Bobby shot up, startling the youngest members of iKON. He opened his message box with an eager smile...which soon faded at an alarming rate. ‘Watch the news quick.’ he read aloud. “What does she mean by that?”

Junhoe looked through the window of the shop they just exited and his eyes widened. Without saying a word, he threw open the door and dashed inside. After a moment of confused disbelief, they followed.

They ignored the shop-owner who welcomed them again with a confused look on his face. They only had eyes for Junhoe’s frozen form...and then the TV they realized they hadn’t noticed was on the wall.

 

* * *

 

Hanbin's eyes shot open at the sound of glass shattering. The silence that followed was deadening and he didn't move, but the foreboding feeling that pressed down on him caused him to slowly rise from the bed, the sun rays filtering through the gaps of the curtain nearly blinding him with its intensity.

"...Guys?"

 

* * *

 _  
“—family members were contacted immediately—"_  

_"—no word yet from the company—"_

_“—fans are in turmoil after the video went viral, flooding social media with their grief and outrage.”_

_“—evidence of shooting—”_

_“—the passenger was identified to be 23-year-old_ Song Yunhyeong _. A vocalist of Hip-Hop group iKON under one of the biggest music companies in Korea, YG Entertainment—”_

 


	2. Now

 

“Donghyuk!”

The former maknae jolted at the call from the kitchen, so intense was he at watching the movie playing on the screen. He quickly grabbed the remote control and pressed pause. “Hyung?”

“Can you call the others?”

“Really? The food’s done now?” He leapt off the sofa and scuttled across the living room floor into the hallway leading to the kitchen. He opened the sliding door and was immediately overwhelmed by the pleasant aroma of stir-fried vegetables and noodles hidden under their chef’s special sauce. “Oh, that smells so good!”

“Donghyuk!” Yunhyeong-hyung turned around from his position in front of the stove and pointed at him with the hand that wasn’t occupied by chopsticks. “Call the others or you won’t get any!”

Donghyuk spun so fast he almost gave himself whiplash and obediently went back out and down the hall. He stopped at the first few steps of the stairs and called upwards, “Food’s done! Get it before Hanbin-hyung eats it all!”

A few inaudible answers and Hanbin-hyung denying it reached his ears, along with a thump that sounded suspiciously like someone falling off the bed.

“Are they coming?” Yunhyeong-hyung asked the moment he entered back inside the dining room/kitchen area. The second-eldest was carefully putting the meal into a large bowl. Donghyuk walked over and reached into the cupboards to grab the bowls for the others to use.

“Yep,” he chirruped. Balancing the stack of bowls on one arm, he extended a hand for the forks. Just as he was about to grab them, his other arm wobbled under the pressure set by the bowls.

Yunhyeong-hyung exclaimed out loud and came back quickly from putting the food down on the table. Before Donghyuk could say anything, he took the bowls from his arm, scolding him in an instant. “Donghyuk, these cost a lot and you know you’re not strong enough!”

“Hyung, I’m fine,” he whined. He swiped for the bowls but his hyung danced easily away from his range.

“You just recovered from the flu,” Yunhyeong-hyung continued as if he didn’t hear. He set the bowls down on the table and Donghyuk followed, putting the forks and chopsticks in a pile on a napkin. “And you even went to the Hospital. Don’t overwork yourself.”

“They’re just bowls, hyung~ They’re very light.”

“You say that now.”

Loud voices echoed down the hall from the stairway. Yunhyeong-hyung looked up with an annoyed yet distinctly fond expression on his face. It sounded like they were fighting to go first at the stairwell and their voices were overlapping with thumps and laughter. “They’re going to get us in trouble with the neighbors again. And this time, it’s only just food.”

Donghyuk laughed. “Can you blame us?”

Against his obvious will, Yunhyeong-hyung broke out in a smile before going to put the rest of the materials away. Donghyuk always liked seeing his hyung’s smile. The other members weren’t joking when they mentioned on TV several times that they loved to tease him (next to Donghyuk, of course) because of his reaction. He always made the result of their hard work so amusing, but the upturn of his lips would always remind them of what they truly thought but never said, for obvious personal reasons. Because sometimes, all they needed to start off on a good morning was seeing Yunhyeong-hyung’s infectious smile.

He watched as the second-eldest washed the dishes in the sink silently. His face was calm and peaceful but he also seemed to be concentrating intently on scrubbing every last bit of grime off the bowls.

Although he was childish, outrageously so at times that it would take their combined forces to stop him on his sprees, he would also very well show his right to be the second-eldest of their patch-work family. While the members were resting after a particularly long day, Yunhyeong-hyung would be cooking their food before they woke up. When Donghyuk needed to let out his frustrations and complaints and he didn’t go to Jinhwan-hyung, their resident eldest and counselor, he would always be there to lend him an ear and gently guide him in the right direction. When the members finally burst out of their united bubble, Yunhyeong-hyung would find the hole that had been made and help them see what they couldn’t when they were so blinded by their emotions.

Suddenly possessed by said emotions, Donghyuk walked behind the elder and slowly wrapped his arms around the hyung’s thin waist, his cheek resting against the broad back. He could feel the elder pausing in his work, but he continued washing after a few seconds. “What’s with you all of a sudden?” he joked casually and Donghyuk could hear the smile in his voice.

But he didn’t say anything. Yunhyeong-hyung didn’t seem to mind though and just continued washing, soon softly singing a tune in his naturally deep voice that caused Donghyuk’s face to pleasantly tingle from the vibration, a sense of ease in his actions that belied the experience he had in dealing with the younger’s sentimental moods.

“Love you, Donghyuk.”

Donghyuk smiled. “Love you too, Yunhyeong-hyung.”

 

* * *

 

It was another one of those busy days. The receptionist kneaded both sides of her temples in frustration, hunched over at her desk and wishing that she could just blend into the chair or, even better, the floor. Then at least she wouldn’t have to look up to see the chaos within the corridor.

Apparently there was this big construction accident that caused many injuries but thankfully no casualties, at least from what she heard. People of all ages were wheeled into the rooms and they were filling up quickly. It was a miracle that the family members or close friends were even able to be calmed down.

But she didn’t consider it a _huge_ success because now she has a serious migraine.

She muttered incoherent words to herself, trying to ignore the typhoon of sounds that bombarded her ears so delightfully. She pressed the palms of her hands on her eyes, resolved to just take a few seconds to zone out every bit of noise surrounding her. Just for a few seconds…maybe a minute…just one minute…

“Miss? MISS!”

She jolted and quickly removed her hands from her face.

There was another family in front of her except…she blinked. No, it was definitely not a family, unless they were relatives. But from the way they were huddling together, and looking at her so urgently with such varying appearances, it was no doubt that they were very close. Friends or cousins, perhaps.

Right now, the one that had her attention was a distinctly familiar young man in a beanie looking at her with eyes of anxiety. Sweat was also beaded on his brow, but his voice remained stable. “Is there a Song Yunhyeong that was brought in here?”

 _Song Yunhyeong?_ There was something turning in her head at that. “Please wait one moment.” If anything, that appeasing statement just made his eyes scrunch even more, and if she looked at the other boys, it was likely they would have the same look on their face too. She tapped away at the keyboard, easily finding what she was looking for with practiced ease. She wasn’t the least surprised at the results, since she just remembered another family asking for the same name some hours ago. “He's currently in ER 7.” She pointed towards the hallway on the right. “Please go down this hallway – ”

She didn’t even get to finish before the small group of boys rushed off. She blew a loose strand away from her face and tucked it back behind her ear. “Kids. They're going to get themselves in some big trouble if they make a ruckus outside the room. At least the parents are there to stop them from doing anything idiotic.”

“You don’t know who they were?”

She turned around. Her colleague’s face was wrinkled with exhaustion and stress, but her expression of slightly detached pity gave her a reason to pause. “ _Should_ I know them?”

The older woman first stared at her then turned back to grabbing papers, as if the conversation wasn’t really worth her time. “You talked about that barbeque restaurant many times so I’m surprised you don’t remember who the son of the owner is. Or how famous.”

She stared at her colleague for a long moment. “What?”

A slightly aggravated sigh. “There was a large poster hanging from a wall. It’s not that easy to forget – it looked almost like a shrine.”

And then just like that, it clicked.

_A handsome young man with gentle eyes gazing out. Signatures on merchandise and various pictures, banners of red and white. The smell of grilled meat and talking between laughter saturating the slightly steamy air in waves of comfort and tranquility._

Her head swerved around and she actually got out of her seat to look down the hallway, as if she could spot them with her limited vision among the ruckus. She looked back at her partner, aghast. “The boy is _that_ Song Yunhyeong?” Her colleague watched her as she collapsed onto the wheelchair, her legs unable to withstand the disbelief. “I – I didn’t…”

The doors opened again and another small group of people rushed in. The older woman sighed and moved over to grab the wheelchair, pushing it and its occupant away from the desk before preparing for the next wave of clents. “Go splash water on your face. I’ll take over.”

She didn’t move but it did nothing to deter the wave of sadness that rose from her chest. After all, she was a customer who had visited once every few months when she started college many years back. She remembered the small restaurant then at its beginnings and she remembered the young boy with an apron. He and his infectious grin that tinged with awkwardness when he was put under the open adoration of elder women. He who had grown to be such a wonderful young man and who time and genetics had been kind to. To think that this was the same boy who was lying in the operating room…

She hoped against all hope that it wasn't true.

 

* * *

 

He and Jinhwan-hyung met with the other members at the entrance of the hospital. They had immediately called each other as soon as they were able to move from the shocking news, but they were definitely not much better off at the moment.

It was with desperation that they fought through the crowd of reporters and fans that had long gathered before they had arrived. They had no bodyguards and so some security officers dove into the crowd to confront the causes of the screams and overwhelming chatter. All the members held hands tightly as they were pulled and pushed in every direction, but they weren’t afraid of them.

They were too far gone to be anything less than terrified for Yunhyeong-hyung and Yunhyeong-hyung only.

Once they were safely in the hospital and the guards were yelling to let only those who actually needed to be in the Hospital to go through, they immediately rushed to the desk receptionist.

Hanbin-hyung had to practically yell to get the attention of the receptionist who was apparently not aware of her surroundings. He saw Jinhwan-hyung grab Junhoe’s hand while she told them the room and it took a few seconds before they were off in the speed of light, tendrils of ice gripping their hearts.

Because she didn’t say a hospital room number. She said ER 7. Emergency Room.

There were people everywhere and so they tried their best to weave through the gaps as quickly as possible, hands held tightly together, pulling one another in a solid link. His foot caught a wheel of a trolley and Donghyuk stumbled clumsily but regained his footing before he could collide with a body and lose speed.

Hanbin-hyung, Bobby-hyung and Chanwoo were just ahead of them by more than a few seconds. They got to the room before they did and when they finally went to the side to let a trolley pass for the last time, the first thing they saw was Hanbin-hyung and Bobby-hyung speaking with Yunhyeong-hyung’s dad by the sister and mom who were sitting down on the chairs across the hall of the emergency room.

Yunhyeong-hyung’s sister was staring at the phone on her lap. None of her hands were touching it but they cradled the air around it like something sacred.

The mom’s pinched eyes made it look like she was struggling not to cry. She was staring intensely at the entrance to the emergency room as if she was willing her spirit to carry through the doors that blocked them from reaching their only son.

Their only son. _Please, p_ _lease let it not be too late._

He heard Bobby-hyung interject with Hanbin-hyung’s explanation, pushing him towards the seats because he looked feverish and practically out of his mind. Chanwoo watched him refuse, but pulled him to an open seat at Bobby’s look, allowing Hanbin-hyung to lay his head on his shoulder and wrap an arm around his waist.

Off to the side, Donghyuk noticed Junhoe standing back and staring at the scene before him as he was. But then his younger brother turned and looked at the doors of the operation room and Donghyuk couldn’t bear to see the look in his eyes grow worse. So, barely aware of his movements anymore, he slowly slipped his hand into Junhoe’s and brought him to where everyone else was without any resistance.

They all sat in silence, a world away from the bustling halls of the Hospital. Bobby-hyung’s warmth eventually pressed against his as he leaned against him, throwing an arm over his and Junhoe’s huddled shoulders. Yunhyeong-hyung’s father sat with his family, where they clutched at each other in desperate need of an anchor. Jinhwan-hyung was hiding his face in the crook of Chanwoo’s neck, and there was a suspicious gleam trailing down towards the hem of the maknae’s shirt. The maknae himself was closing his eyes and leaning his head back, but the curves of his lips were wobbling imperceptibly and the skin around the corners of his eyes were shining.

All of this was absorbed into his brain and it was only then that the brevity of the situation finally caught up to him and the back of his eyes started to burn. He squeezed his eyes, his teeth clenching together as he swallowed hard to fight back the tears. Momentarily forgetting himself in banging his head against the top of the seat, an emotion-fueled attempt of ridding himself from the unpleasant thoughts that were threatening to break through his feeble barricade.

But a gentle hand cushioned his head and then he opened his eyes, Bobby-hyung remained in the same position, staring at the doors but aware and containing a hidden message in his silence and slight head tilt. He searched his hyung’s face and turned towards the other body lying next to him.

Junhoe was crying.

He hadn’t noticed because he was controlling his breathing so well. But the normally composed singer was crying thin wet tears and staring up at the ceiling with a mouth partly open in askance. The mere sight of his strong-willed brother’s face crumpled in devastation was enough for the dam to break free. One clear line traced its way down his cheek, and then another, and it was only a matter of time before his shoulders started heaving with the strength of his broken sobs. His head was moved by a different hand to Junhoe’s shoulder where they leaned against each other, one a silent stream broken from a tank and the other a roaring waterfall revealed from the suffocation of a dissipating fog. The hand on his head trembled and moved to his shoulder instead and Bobby-hyung was joining their merged sadness, a silent steady rock of water just barely trickling out its essence.

They mourned the loss of their innocence, the illusion of safety and durability of their camaraderie, stripped down to the core, the fear of losing their loved one, their brother, their role model, their friend, overwhelming everything else. Every tear was just a reminder of their negligence and that none of them knew what was to become of their hyung who they all looked up to, no matter what age. Every tear was a reminder that they were the ones who had last seen Yunhyeong-hyung and the guilt that took hold of their hearts threatened to ruin their hold on reality.

Because the truth was, this was a rendition of what had already happened in the past. But this time, there were no second chances. There was no mock battle, no team competition, no judges. It was only Yunhyeong-hyung’s battle and the doctors’, and this time the idea of losing him, the pain that would follow right behind on their heels, would be unimaginable.

Because once he was gone, there would be no coming back. And that scared them more than anything they ever thought was possible.

-

It felt like hours before the doctor finally came out, weary eyes peeking out above a white mask. He took off his gloves and called, “Mr. and Mrs. Song?”

There was really no need, for the moment they saw the doors open, those awake scrambled to stand up, nearly falling over themselves, but by the time the boys got themselves in order, Yunhyeong-hyung’s parents were heading towards the doctor, exuding worry and distress. “How – how is he?” Yunhyeong-hyung’s mom asked carefully.

The doctor’s eyes looked back and forth between Yunhyeong-hyung’s parents and the rest of his family, one by blood and the others self-proclaimed.

And then he sighed. A deep sigh that everyone seemed to absorb and cover their hearts with a sheet of ice.

“No,” Jinhwan-hyung whispered.

Donghyuk just stared at the doctor. _This wasn’t happening._

Bobby-hyung stood ramrod straight, fists shaking at his sides. He looked just a moment’s away from grabbing the older man and shaking him in denial, but his mannerisms were engrained into him to some extent.

The doctor shook his head, lifting his hands up in an effort to calm them down. “We did everything we could – ”

“You’re lying!” Junhoe shouted. Donghyuk quickly grabbed him around the middle to stop him from advancing.

The doctor looked at him sharply. “If you would let me finish,” he snapped. Immediately everyone stared at him, struck silent by his words and what it could possibly imply. Looking at everyone’s blank faces, he sighed again and bluntly said, “He’s alive. The operation was a success.”

Yunhyeong-hyung’s mom covered her mouth and even though Donghyuk could barely see through his own wave of tears, he knew everyone was feeling the same way.

“But.” The doctor stared intently at Yunhyeong-hyung’s parents. “As I said, we did everything we could do, but as soon as the post-operation is complete, we will have to move him immediately to get an MRI scan.”

Donghyuk inhaled sharply.

“He has suffered from multiple broken bones and lacerations, an impalement on his right leg, and severe internal bleeding - they were all treated and he is out of immediate danger now that we had blood pumped into him. However we do not know the extent of the head injury he has. From what I understand, he was not brought to us immediately after the accident, so please be patient with us and wait in the Lobby. We will continue to do everything we can, but we need your full cooperation and support.”

Donghyuk couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Broken bones? Impalement? Severe internal bleeding?  _Head injury_? “But he could recover, right?” he heard himself ask. Distantly. As if his mind and mouth was operating separately. “He’ll be alright?”

The doctor looked at him, but nothing from his eyes could be deciphered. “Please wait in the Lobby,” he repeated instead. “We will be with you when we can.”

And then he turned back into the operation room, the doors closing with barely any sound, but to them, it was a loud bang that echoed in their ears with the sound of finality.


	3. Interlude

 

 _“_ _We need to find what’s causing the internal bleeding.”_

_“-injuries are about 7 hours old..."_

_“He’s lost too much blood. Get the IV now!”_

_“I need the light.”_

_“Pulling out in three, two, one…”_

 

_“What’s the status?”_

_“Doctor, come look at this.”_

_“…we need to get this done quickly. Prepare for transportation to MRI.”_

_“Doctor, what about –”_

_“We don’t have enough time. I’ll inform the client’s family. Post-Op begins now.”_

 

_“Stay with us, kid.”_

 

* * *

 

They waited. Lord knows how long they did.

Minutes, hours ticked by in silence. The Hospital was now calm and to anyone else, almost peaceful.

But not to them.

The tears staining their cheeks were long gone, leaving behind only a void, a chasm in their hearts that was desperate for the light. They had nothing left to shed. All that was left was the faint glimmer of hope in their eyes amongst the overwhelming anguish.

Hanbin walked around, silently offering bottles of water to everyone, quiet thank you’s and silent declines following his steps. He offered one to their other manager, who had arrived sometime in the first hour they had relocated to the waiting room in the lobby.

President YG had called all of their phones long before the broadcast had ended, but none of them would answer. But in time, the leader had to do what he had to do, and so Hanbin located his name among the 26 missed calls and let the phone ring.

The CEO remained silent throughout the whole phone call as Hanbin explained the situation to him. And then when all was said, he told him to stay with the other members. It was not long after that that their other manager, who had already gone to the work before all of them had woken up, had arrived, saying he was given a day off. Everyone was thankful that he had brought food along with him, knowing how long they had stayed and how desperate they were to receive more news on Yunhyeong-hyung’s condition.

The windows were dark and the city’s lights were alive when a nurse finally came.

When she arrived, and came near them instead of going towards another family, even the nurse herself was surprised by the speed of their reactions, reminiscent of their encounter with the doctor. But she gently dismissed their inquiries with the air of someone who knew how to handle the situation many times before.

“Please follow me.”

And those three words…those words were enough to spark the tiny flame in their eyes, fueling the flames, the hope overwhelming their grief like waves crashing onto a pebble.

They were taken through different corridors until they reached a large hallway that was completely silent, save for a doctor talking to another nurse beside one room. The nurse saw them first and told the doctor, handing over a clipboard before leaving.

The doctor was not the same doctor as before, but they didn’t care. He had the answers they needed and none of them had the ability to see past the door and curtains.

“Mr. and Mrs. Song?”

Yunhyeong-hyung’s parents nodded, unable to say anything else. When the doctor realized they weren’t going to answer, he continued, “Your son is stable. We were able to identify the severity of the head injury and conduct an immediate treatment just in time. Any longer and it would have proven fatal.”

Hanbin could have sworn everyone’s hearts lifted at those words. But the doctor continued—

“Mr. Song suffered a hard blow to the head in the accident, which led to severe swelling in the brain. His body temperature was already low so luckily it reduced the swelling’s progression. We were able to drain most of the cerebrospinal fluid, but he will be needing to be under medications for a while to relieve the remaining pressure to his skull.”

“But….if he’s fine, why can’t we go in?” Hanbin asked. He noticed that the doctor was standing in front of the door, subtly blocking their entry.

The doctor glanced at him in acknowledgement. “Do any among you have a history of traumatic experiences? Any medical concerns we need to know?”

They all shook their head.

“Mr. Song will recover from most of his injuries. There will be a few scars due to the lack of immediate attendance to his wounds, but the only wound that will scab over will be on his head.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt relief because Yunhyeong-hyung wouldn’t feel as ashamed to the extent of hiding his body as much as he is able.

“But he also needs a chance to recover from the damage of the brain swelling and the damage to his body. We don't know how long he will have his rest, but until he wakes up he will not be able to respond to any sort of outside stimuli - contact, light, sounds. Even then, we suggest that you limit the amount of contact as much as possible so that the remaining injuries will be able to heal correctly and without interruption.”

The realization hit them at around the same time, a few seconds after. Beside him, he saw Bobby-hyung's jaw tighten. “...So - Yunhyeong...he's - he's in a - ”

“...Coma,” Donghyuk whispered.

The doctor nodded slowly.

Hanbin honestly did not know what he was feeling right now. A sense of relief? But he wasn’t happy. He was glad to know that Yunhyeong-hyung was alive and relatively well, but at what cost? He wasn’t naive, he knew that sometimes damages to the brain, especially when not treated right away, could lead to various side-effects that have the potential to be permanent.

Yunhyeong-hyung didn’t get treated for _seven_ hours. Eight or nine when you only consider the time they started operating on his head. What side effects could happen then?

Just  _how long_ will they have to suffer not knowing anything of what's going to happen?

“We’ll monitor him for the few weeks, but we won’t know for sure what the damages are and how permanent until he wakes up. It’s all up to him and how strongly his body wants to recover.”

“Thank you,” Yunhyeong-hyung’s dad said quietly. The doctor nodded and opened the door, stepping aside to allow them entrance.

Hanbin never really liked the smell of Hospitals. It varied, sometimes. In certain cases, the hospital rooms would smell tangy or a mixture of scents that made him want to puke or put on a face mask at the very least. But he didn’t have one.

When they entered the room, however, it smelled a bit like vanilla. And cherry. It smelled like Yunhyeong-hyung.

But the person lying on the bed…wasn’t him.

The Yunhyeong-hyung he knew, for starters, did not sleep so still. His position was similar, like a soldier standing straight in bed, but there was just something so…lifeless about him. Maybe it was also because of the several machines hooked into him. Maybe it was because one of his faintly toned arms was hidden under a white cast. Or maybe it was the wrapping around his head, hiding the majority of his hair, and the several bandages on his face and the oxygen mask, concealing parts of the handsome features that lay underneath.

But no, the person on the bed did not look like Yunhyeong-hyung because they felt nothing close to peace when they looked at him. They didn’t feel the joyful presence of Yunhyeong-hyung that he often manages to effortlessly exude, sometimes just by looking at his face alone. A face that was now slack, without expression and without the gentleness that his features usually suggest even in his sleep.

He wasn’t Yunhyeong-hyung…and yet he was.

The members stayed by the door as Yunhyeong-hyung’s sister and parents rushed forward, unbidden cries escaping from their lips. His sister clutched the bedsheets as she stared with wide eyes at the state of her older brother, eyes darting from his head wrappings down to his body cloaked by the blanket. Mrs. Song grabbed his unwrapped hand while her other fingers ghosted over her son’s cheeks, shaking with the force of the disbelief and anguish of a mother who's whole life has crashed down before her. Yunhyeong-hyung's father placed a hand on his wife's shoulder but he, too, could not tear his gaze away from his son’s face. Unable to speak. Unable to outwardly express a single emotion from the orbs of despair that dominated his eyes.

And as Hanbin stared at the scene before him, he never felt so unwelcome. He never felt so confused, wrong, out of place.

So he walked past the members and left the room without saying a word.

In the hallway, enough of a distance from the door to not be able to hear anything, his back slid against the wall, his body sinking down to the hospital floor soundlessly. He hugged his legs loosely to his chest, and yet not a single word nor sound yet escaped from him.

It didn’t come as a surprise when a small body settled against his side and looped an arm over his shoulders. He and the members knew that even though they wanted so badly to be in that room, to be by Yunhyeong-hyung’s side, it was only right that the people whom he grew up with have that time to themselves first.

No matter how deeply the lingering image in the room mercilessly sank into the wounds of their hearts.

The silence stretched long. None of the members had the will to move or listen to the mournful sounds of the family inside the room.

Hanbin distantly wondered if they had a right to be here. A ragtag group of boys that depended on each other, leaned on each other, and vowed to protect one another.

The same group of boys who have broken that vow, who may have lost an important piece of their lives, lost it despite the unwavering trust of everyone. Everyone who loved him.

( _Loves.)_

_(He's not dead.)_

_(He won't be.)_

A harsh sound echoed in their ears and down the halls.

Bobby’s laughter, broken and humorless. Pained.

“None of this makes sense. None of it. How could Yunhyeong – Yunhyeong of all people – how could this happen to _him_?”

No one dared to answer him. Because just saying it out loud, when it was already in the air and suffocating them all, would make it even less like a dream.

Donghyuk curled up, burying his face in his arms. Chanwoo, lips pursed and bitten, was settled next to him, but he could find no words to be said. And although Junhoe was the only one standing, staring at the curtains that blocked them from seeing the private family reunion, he was in the same dilemma.

“We haven’t even had our comeback, yet. We haven’t even performed in the domes. How are we supposed to meet the fans? How are we supposed to look at everyone now?”

“Bobby...” Jinhwan-hyung didn’t look at him, but he didn’t need to. “…That’s enough. We all know you’re not thinking about our career. Not now.”

The words hung in the air.

“Why do I feel so guilty?” Hanbin said quietly.

“You shouldn’t,” Jinhwan-hyung said softly. “You were sick, you didn’t know.”

“…If anything else, it’s our fault,” Bobby said. “We were there when he left. We knew there was a storm coming.”

“Yunhyeong-hyung gets nervous when it rains,” Chanwoo murmured, his eyes distant, as if recalling a memory.

“And the lightning...”

“Bobby, none of us control the weather.” The eldest sounded very weary, as if he expected this conversation to happen.

“We still could have stopped him. We still could have stopped him from going out when the roads were slippery and dangerous and there was no one with him besides – ”

“Bobby,” the eldest snapped. “Listen to yourself. How would you have known this would happen? If any of us had the tiniest idea he would end up here, we would have stopped him before he even got to the door.” He saw Bobby clench his fists. Jinhwan-hyung softened his tone. “None of us knew this would happen. That’s all there is to it.”

“…Do you not feel guilty, Jinhwan-hyung?” Hanbin questioned almost inaudibly.

Jinhwan-hyung inhaled slowly and sighed, long and deep. “I do,” he admitted. “Of course I do. You know I do. But blaming ourselves for something that wasn't our fault will not help anything. It’ll only make everyone around us feel worse. Including us.”

“Then who are we supposed to blame?”

“Stop." Some of them flinched at the icy tone. "Don't..." Jinhwan-hyung sighed. "Don’t think about that. Think about what’s going to happen now. Yunhyeong is strong. If there's anyone who could get through this, it’s him.”

“…You sound like him,” Junhoe finally said.

Jinhwan-hyung, with his red eyes, only smiled, but there was no trace of happiness in it.

A small noise made them look up towards the door of the room, where Yunhyeong-hyung’s little sister stood, looking at their fractured group with red eyes and a hastily wiped face, free of make-up and blotches. “You could...” She trailed off, gazing at each of them but not revealing any of what she was thinking as she made eye-contact. “Mom and Dad are going to talk to the doctor again…and I’m coming with them.”

We’ll give you time to yourselves, was left unsaid.

Jinhwan-hyung nodded and stood up, then held out his hand.

Hanbin stared at it, eye-level. He reached up and clasped their hands together and Jinhwan-hyung moved backwards, allowing him to be pulled up.

They all looked at each other, and then they moved as one.

Yunhyeong-hyung was still sleeping, still silent, still unmoving. They went closer, until they could see the oxygen mask fogging over with each little breath he took. They took their places, surrounding him, a wall of their bond shielding him from the outside world.

Bobby slowly grabbed Yunhyeong-hyung’s hand, interlacing his fingers with the pale vulnerable ones of his same-age brother. He took the hand of Jinhwan-hyung beside him who then grasped Chanwoo’s hand nearby. Then Chanwoo took Junhoe’s, Junhoe took Donghyuk’s, and Donghyuk took Hanbin’s, who was one of the closest to Yunhyeong-hyung’s bedside. Hanbin carefully placed a hand on his shoulder, gently bunching the fabric underneath his fingers.

They gazed at their second-eldest, their sunshine, their handsome childlike brother who always scolds them when they don’t clean up their mess, who always looks at them with such fondness, such love, and with that smile of sincere and utter gratitude.

And they bowed their heads.

And they prayed.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks, he heard Donghyuk say once.

Two weeks until the doctors would start considering Yunhyeong to not be able to come out from his coma for a long time. Two weeks until the clock would truly be ticking down and the chances of permanent recovery, if at all, would decrease every time the sun rises.

It was the 19th day. Two weeks and six days.

They tried not to pay attention to it. How time was going faster and the days were slipping away like sand. But it was hard not to, because they knew anything could happen.

Anything like…Yunhyeong never waking up on time.

Or at all.

A day after they came to the Hospital, all the members san Yunhyeong met with the CEO, which was rare when it was outside of topics like their concerts and comeback. The members’ family members, Yunhyeong’s grandparents, relatives, school friends, and even neighbors came to visit him.

Jinhwan had felt warmth in his chest, seeing how many people cares for him. Who loves him, not just because he was an idol, but as a human being they shared a treasured past with.

A treasured past…but an uncertain future.

Jinhwan opened the door, the blinds were drawn since it was the early hours of the morning. He walked to the table and set down the paper bag, going to the windows and opening them, feeling the breeze caress his face and enter into the room, circulating the used air outside.

He inhaled deeply. He smelled nature.

The eldest went to the bag he set down, reaching in and taking out one of its contents. He then walked over to the bed by the wall and sat down on the mattress, uncapping the item and leaning forward to apply it on slightly chapped skin, unable to be cared for by its unconscious owner.

Jinhwan did his work carefully, dutifully, gently. And when he was satisfied, he capped the item once again, put it on the nightstand and sat on the seat next to the hospital bed.

He stared at the occupant on the bed and reached forward, this time patting a hand over dark hair and tucking it to the side to reveal the unblemished face underneath.

The cuts on his face had long been healed and once the doctors were sure he could breathe on his own, the oxygen mask was also removed. They had to be careful, because several of his ribs had also been broken. The wrappings over his head, too, were eventually removed. At least most of it. Only narrow layers of strips were left, protecting the still mending wound from possible infection. Now that most of his head was visible, they could see the hair around the wound growing steadily after the area was shaved off for operation.

There was color to Yunhyeong’s cheeks. He was healthy and whole and perfect and Jinhwan wanted to stare until it was engrained into his mind, so that he would forget all the pain, all the sadness, everything that had happened after the accident.

But he couldn’t. Acceptance was needed to move on. And as the eldest, he needed to keep looking forward, so that the hands he held so tightly behind him wouldn’t be dragged further into the darkness from whence they came.

But, that didn’t mean that he didn’t see the shadows dancing in the corners of his eyes, feel the hands he held weakening and losing their strength, barely hanging on.

It was for that reason, today, that he came.

“Yunhyeong…” Jinhwan spoke softly.

The younger did not answer. _Of course he wouldn’t._ But Jinhwan couldn’t help but look for the slightest twitch. A sign that he was listening and that he would wake up at the voices of those who loves him. Just like in the dramas.

Except there was no twitch. No indication of consciousness. And so the emotions came forth.

“I...” Jinhwan swallowed, misery and shame bubbling up in him. “…I messed up. _God_ , I’ve messed up so bad.” He buried his face in his hands, unable to look at Yunhyeong.

“I know you never like it when I’m like this,” he said after a time. “I’ve noticed. When I get all self-piteous and the next morning you cook my favorite foods…and try to talk to me more than the others. I notice and I know…I’m really thankful for that.” Trying to ignore the ache in his heart, knowing that he hasn’t and won’t be having those meals for a long while.

“…Junhoe and I…we had a fight in the practice room.” He curled up in his seat, feeling every bit like a maknae they had liked to tease him as. “It wasn’t personal. I...I can’t really remember why we started arguing. It was over nothing, really. Junhoe was just having trouble, I tried to help, but I said something wrong and everything just blew out of control. Heck, Chanwoo and Donghyuk were there and I can’t even remember what they did before calling Hanbin and Bobby.”

He took a deep breath, slowly running small fingers over the smooth skin of the younger, swallowing. “I don’t know what came over me. It’s like, I couldn’t help but get angry, even knowing the circumstances. Hanbin and Bobby came and all of us talked and everything’s fine now…Junhoe feels fine now, but…b-but I can’t get over it. I lost it…badly, and I’m afraid things will just get worse.”

The hand he held remained still and unresponsive.

But Jinhwan could still remember those hands, the warmth he felt from them as they swung their arms listening to the off-tune birthday singing of the members and the beautiful chorus of the fans. Those hands that used to clutch his clothes so tightly when he was going through so much distress, when Yunhyeong used to sink into Jinhwan’s hug like a lifeline.

That was back in their trainee days. Now, Yunhyeong had grown into his own – he didn’t need the hugs as much as before, back when he was a teenager who was growing into adulthood. He was a young man who was focused on providing for the members, finding his own steps, always striving to do everything over and over again until he was satisfied.

And now…now he was lying on a Hospital bed, with no one knowing when he would wake up.

Jinhwan leaned his head back. Looked up at the ceiling, the bright lights, not knowing if his eyes were just watering because of its intensity.

“The members come a lot,” he spoke at length. “Though you already knew that. I just thought you should be told.” And if his voice wavered any time he talked…it was only him that was listening, after all. “Hanbin is working so hard in the studios right now. He’s like a man possessed. He doesn’t know when to stop and it’s always me or Bobby who has to drag him away from the room, just so he could eat. But I know he comes here whenever he can. Sometimes with Bobby, most times alone.” His lips upturned in a rueful smile. “He’s always like that. I can’t get him to stop no matter what.

“Bobby, Bobby is still Bobby. Since you’re not around, he’s trying to be more responsible, actually doing his laundry and trying to cook meals for us sometimes when he’s not lazy. He tries his best but,” – Jinhwan laughed hoarsely – “it’s not really that good. So Chanwoo tries to sneak in and fix whatever's wrong before it gets any worse. Bobby would have his head if he found out.”

Jinhwan paused. “He…he comes alone. You noticed, one or few times he’s with me. But Bobby told me he wanted to be alone with you. Needed to think things through…And Donghyuk…you know Donghyuk. He goes with me, Bobby, or Hanbin, mostly me. He talks about whatever, you would probably smack him if he…anyway. Chanwoo…I’ve only ever seen him go out when he’s going to practice in the YG building or he goes with me to visit you. I think he’s afraid…to visit you alone. I’ll go and talk to him…hopefully he’ll…come…”

He stares at the younger’s face, his voice dying down and his heart squeezing with emotion. His voice was thick, but he continued, wanting his words to be heard.

“Junhoe…Junhoe is…he visits alone. I came here once, and I was about to open the door and…I heard him. Did you hear him talking too? He was talking to you…and he was…he was crying.” He stopped, the words he just said hitting him and he smiled, sadly, regretfully. Painfully. “I-it’s…been so long…since I’ve heard him like that.”

He inhaled raggedly and forced himself to look away.

But when he finally glanced up, saw the unmoving face, that heavy feeling struck down on him without mercy and the tears began falling freely without resistance.

Jinhwan moved, gently encasing his little brother in his arms and placing his wet cheek against the younger’s forehead. “You’ll wake up,” he whispered. “You’re gonna wake up. I know you will. I know more than anything. If there’s anyone who will get through this, it’s _you_ , Yunhyeong. And I promise, if things don’t go the way we want…if something bad happens, even if the people outside try to tear us apart, when you wake up, we'll still be here."

His hand tightened over his. “I don’t care about our music. I don’t care about being on the news. I care about you – we need you, Yunhyeong. And if I need to say it a million times over, I will, because I mean it. And I -” his voice broke off. "...a-and...” 

Eventually he looked down, his eyes red and layered with tears, leaning back to gaze fully at Yunhyeong’s youthful face…a face, a spirit that was meant for so much more. So much more than this.

And Jinhwan squeezed his eyes shut and struggled to breathe calmly, pressing his lips against that forehead, fervently whispering words that resonated with his anguish, his unconditional love, and the sheer agony of the guilt that bit away at his fractured heart:

 

“ _I’m so sorry_.”

 

* * *

_You keep smiling on and on_

_As if it's nothing, time holds onto you as it ticks away_

_In my dreams, I’m with you as I hold your hand_

_But cruelly, I say goodbye when the sun rises_

_As my pillow gets wet_

 

_Oh you and me_

_We're under the same sky but we can't meet_

_But believe in me, I'll be there for you_

 

_Wait, because I'll go to you right now_

_Wherever you are, I'll go_

_Wait for me, time is ticking faster_

_Wait, because I'll go to you right now_

_I'll run against time and go to you_

_Wait for me yeah_

_So that my heart can reach..._

 

* * *

 

“…Yunhyeong?”

 

 


	4. Awaken

 

A pink petal, gently swept away by the morning breeze, landed softly on the pavement.

The flowers were in full bloom, and the trees that rose over the sidewalk blinded passerbys with a beautiful combination of deep pink and corn-yellow.

Forsythia and Azalea, both awakening in the same month, the month of promises and beauty and life.

The cold air was finally alleviating, leaving in its place the warming rays of the sun, the ring of bells and the cool spray of the ocean. More and more people filtered out of their homes, called to the welcoming draft and clear skies. One thought was common in their minds.

 _It’s finally time_.

It’s finally time to propose to the girl he loved. It’s finally time to say goodbye to their dear eldest brother who’s flying to the other side of the world. It’s finally time to meet the baby that they loved dearly for 9 months, the beginning of their new future. It was finally time for all these dreams to be fulfilled.

It was time now…for all things to awaken.                                               

 

* * *

 

Bobby collapsed onto the wooden floor in a sticky mess of sweat and clothes.

Through his exhausted haze, he saw Jinhwan panting and reaching for a bottle of water as he wiped the thick layer of sweat with a rag from the basket. But he didn’t have enough strength anymore to turn his head to see how the other members fared.

Anthem music blared out from the speakers once again, but it wasn’t even 5 seconds before it was shut off.

“Bobby-hyung, you have to work on your arm movements in that last part. You’re too slow.” Bobby merely nodded slowly at the evaluation of their ever watchful leader.

Hanbin appeared in his vision, wiping his head and sitting down on one of the seats against the wall. The younger was thin, very thin, and it was worrying. His face even seemed gaunt despite their attempts at shoving food at him.

Chanwoo walked by him and Bobby immediately stuck a hand up. The youngest sighed and grabbed his hand, pulling him up, a bit too fast that his brain swerved at the sudden though expected movement. He lazily leaned against him, lightly patting the maknae’s leg to move while holding him up.

Donghyuk was intent on getting the moves down to the beat, his body moving so fluidly without the music that it almost made Bobby envious.

Just almost.

Chanwoo dropped him down on the seat next to Hanbin who was pressing a cool water bottle to his face. He immediately slouched back against the wall, grabbing a towel and placing it on his forehead. Jinhwan and Chanwoo sat down together on the floor.

The silence in the room descended, shoes gently slapping against hard wood the only sound echoing throughout the mirrored room.

But as always, even though they were all far past the degree of being merely comfortable with each other, far past the degree of communication with words, there was still something missing. Something that was entirely obvious looking at all the other members right now. Something that had to do with their choreography, or even the song they were practicing.

And the longer the silence stretched onward, the longer they were left to their thoughts, the quicker it would come to the surface and –

Music started playing. Instrumental.

Bobby opened one eye.

“We need a break.” The younger dropped his head in on his folded arms, seeming on the verge of falling asleep at the computer desk. Acting as if they weren’t even having a quick rest until now.

Bobby fully expected Hanbin’s, ‘15 minutes,’ but it never came. Their perfectionist leader was now closing his eyes and leaning his body against the far wall. Like he too was beginning to sleep.

He wasn’t surprised. He couldn’t even remember when Hanbin came home last night.

Or more accurately, when he came home _this morning_. 

“Hanbin-ah,” he nudged the younger, who didn’t respond. “Hanbin.”

“What?”

“You should take a day off tomorrow. Catch the breeze, get some fresh air… _sleep_.”

Again, he didn’t answer. Which was the equivalent of saying a big unequivocal _no._

Yeah, Bobby understood, loud and clear. But that didn’t mean he would abide by the hint. “You know what?” He jumped to his feet and grabbed the younger’s skinny arm. Dragging a protesting and suddenly awake Hanbin out the door saying, “Be back in 5!”

The door closed behind them, Jinhwan's words barely managing to drift into their ears, “…5 minutes or 5 o’clock?”

Hanbin struggled half-heartedly against Bobby’s strong grip all the way to the front entrance. Eventually, he just complied with being hauled around like a rag doll.

They walked through the streets, Bobby’s feet instinctively leading where they needed to be. Stopping briefly at a convenience store to buy a few snacks and two large bottles of water, circling back to a bridge overlooking peaceful waters hidden in the heart of the city.

The two young men placed their arms on the stone railing, mirror opposites in broad daylight. One strong-shouldered and muscled, the other thin and sagging with an unseen weight on their shoulders.

Too long, Bobby concluded, too long since he brought Hanbin here to get some peace of mind.

During WIN, they once had snuck away from the members to eat food outside the Trainee Building. They enjoyed it, despite having to bring a camera along with them.

The next few times that happened, there were no cameras, but the stress inside had been building up dramatically as time passed. The stress that came along with trying to keep the members away from disbandment, protecting them from being cut from the team, striving hard to show YG that they improved and that there was no need to hurt what was already hurting.

Before long, their uneventful adventures were not used for their own amusement and peace. It soon became an outlet…a time where Hanbin and Bobby could just talk. Talk about life. Talk about the problems that always rose up no matter where they looked. Talk about the dreams of their future.

At that time, they were young. Deep in their hearts they knew how to get through those problems. Because they had the drive. They had the determination. They had the patience and experience of hours of preparation to make it through.

But now they didn’t have that. This time, no amount of practicing would have ever been able to prepare them for the inner turmoil that was dominating their minds.

Yunhyeong was a gaping hole in their hearts, and there was no denying it.

“Sometimes I wonder…if we’re just being unfair.” Hanbin stared up ahead where the stream curved away from view. “A lot of people feel the same way we feel. Even worse. Some people have family with cancer…amputation…diseases without a cure…They have almost no hope at all. And yet, here we are, wallowing just because we’re afraid of what we don’t know _could_ happen.”

Bobby shook his head. “Everyone feels differently, Hanbin. When you’re hurt by something, it’s relative. It’s not the same for everyone else.” He smiled wryly as he half-heartedly joked, “Take a punch at me, I could take it. Take a punch at you, you’ll find yourself on the floor before you know it.” He looked at Hanbin meaningfully. “It just so happens that this knocks us off our feet easier than the others.”

Hanbin didn’t respond for a long time. “How do you feel about this, Bobby?”

“Me?” He raised his face towards the clear skies. Blue and vast, without a cloud in sight. “All things considered…I could be better. Bummed out, worried, not only for Yunhyeong but our hopeless leader who’s stupid enough to believe a flimsy twig is the best body shape anyone could ever have.”

Hanbin quietly snorted. Bobby shifted closer and threw an arm over the younger’s bony shoulder. “Don’t forget, we still need our leader. And we can’t have a good leader until he’s not out of his mind thinking of things he shouldn’t be thinking.”

“You’re changing the topic again,” Hanbin murmured.

Bobby ‘meh’-ed. “I don’t got much to say, anyway.” He shook his shoulder lightly. “It’s your turn.”

“There’s nothing else to say.”

“Bull,” Bobby immediately said.

Hanbin blinked at him. “Bull?”

He waved it off. “Just...a movie. Ignore it.”

A middle-aged couple walked past them, their chatter filling the air with sweets and promises of caramel chocolate and sweet tarts.

“How...how do you live with knowing that someone who’s been with you for so long is...gone? Not _gone_ like Taehyun-hyung, but _gone gone_?”

“But he’s not.”                                                

“Just – what _if_? How could you bear with that?”

“Hanbin –” Bobby looked at him in the face directly, turning the younger when he didn’t make eye contact. “I thought we already went over this. Jinhwan-hyung went over this. _I_ went over this, even you. So what’s really going on?”

Despite the hand pressing against the side of his chin, Hanbin did not look at him. He looked behind him, through him, to the side, anywhere. Bobby saw his Adam’s apple bob even though he was staring intensely at Hanbin.

“I’ve been having dreams…”

Bobby paused. He had noticed the dark bags underneath Hanbin’s eyes.

“The news reports…everything I heard…I can’t help but think of what happened to Yunhyeong-hyung. What he must have been feeling when he was in that car, all alone…” His voice trailed off and he swallowed thickly, turning from Bobby’s hands, and putting his forehead on his hand. His mind seemed eons away, and Bobby didn’t need to guess what he was thinking of.

The accident, that almost took their older brother away from them…and still has the potential to.

The taxi was found in a wide, abandoned alley, flipped over, one side of metal completely crushed. The reports said that it was not far from the main road, but it was far enough that no one would have been able to hear the collision, especially during the night where few people traveled the streets.

The car that collided with them left only bits and pieces of its monstrosity. Disappeared from the scene, just as swift as the other car that had followed close behind, the presumed source of the shooting. The black box in the taxi fractured and unable to capture a clear image of the cars involved that evaded the four-ways and three-ways subtly monitored by cameras.

The driver… Bobby’s anger boiled deep inside him. The driver had been gone – no one knew why he had not called the police as soon as he had recovered enough to move. Theories ran the mouths of the telecasters but Bobby barely paid any attention to them.

It didn’t change what had happened. That Yunhyeong-hyung’s life was put on the line because of a simple lack of action. Whether through fear, trauma, forgetfulness, it didn’t matter. It was already done.

“Hyung…the car was c _rushed._ Yunhyeong-hyung could’ve been awake throughout that entire time, and no one had known. He could’ve been bleeding out, he could've been suffocating, and no one would answer him when he was so confused and maybe delirious...” Hanbin covered his eyes, his wobbling lips lifting to reveal the clenched teeth. “Hyung, he could’ve been screaming for us and we would’ve been _sleeping_ “

Bobby closed his eyes and inhaled raggedly. Exhaled.

“He could’ve been _terrified_ , and we wouldn’t have been there to calm him down. If that’s what he thought before he – ” Hanbin choked. “If that was his last thought…I don’t think I could live with it.”

“ _Hanbin_.” Bobby’s voice was low and urgent. And suddenly overwhelmed with the urge, he grabbed and pulled the younger towards him, in his arms where he wanted to squeeze the poisonous feelings that was plaguing his younger brother’s heart right out.

Hanbin didn’t respond at first, but slowly Bobby felt him grab hold of his jacket and press his face just a bit against Bobby’s clothed collarbone. He didn’t feel liquid. He wasn’t expecting there to be. For now, all he wanted was for Hanbin to know that he could lean on someone at this moment.

Bobby didn’t try to refute what Hanbin said. It was something that he knew, he _knew_ still lurked underneath the surface for all of the members. There was a hint of truth to his words, of a possibility that they couldn’t deny. And the only person to put an end to these thoughts, confirm their fears or deny them, was not here with them.

(And will possibly never will.)

“…Yunhyeong wouldn’t have wanted us to feel this way. Feeling responsible and guilty for what happened to him. He would want us to smile and he would say that he was unconscious the whole time, so he couldn’t have been able to feel a thing.” The words were just coming out of his mouth, driven not by his own will, but meaning every word of it. He tilted his head down to look at the tuft of yellow-black hair beneath his chin. “How do you think he would react if he finds out we’re jumping to conclusions and assuming that he’s dead when he’s not?” he said quietly, feeling a tad sorry when Hanbin flinched slightly at the taboo word. “How do you think he’ll react when he finds out that we’re assuming the worst will happen, and we’re preparing for it even though we don’t know if he would wake up?

“I’m not asking that you forget, Hanbin, believe me, I will  _never_ ask that of you. All I’m asking is for you to remember that Yunhyeong wants what’s best for us – what’s best for you. He wants you to believe something good will happen, because if we don’t, you might as well be giving up now. The least we could do for him is believe that he could wake up and believe that he could recover.”

He squeezed the younger’s thin arms. “You dream about those things because you think about it. Hanbin, just _let it go._  Remember, it’s just a possibility. And everything you just said? It might not even come true. We don’t know if it has or will happen, but we shouldn’t focus on it. Don’t forget about it – learn from it, and when we’re about to cross that bridge...we all will need someone to lean on. So don't you dare try to go at it alone, because it's never going to work. You need us as much as we need you, Hanbin, and not even this is going to change that.”

The sounds of the city echoed to their ears, cars honking and the river quietly surging underneath them. A bird flew overcast, cawing loudly and flapping its powerful wings in the sky, a new destination in mind.

And miraculously, the heaviness around them lifted.

An inhalation that came entirely from the stomach. An exhale that expelled the breath of polluted air like wind.

“…Thank you, Bobby.”

The older rapper smiled, eyes squinting into crescents. “If only you don’t just say that at times like these.”

“Yah…” Hanbin didn’t even have the strength to properly protest, but when he pulled away, a smile was tugging at the corners of his lips. His shoulders looked a bit less slumped, lighter, and Bobby couldn’t stop the pride from flaring up in his chest.

“Believe that he’ll wake up, huh?” Hanbin smiled a little wider. “You couldn’t have put in a less cliché way?”

Bobby chuckled.

“If you’re going to act all cliché, two actors are better than one.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

A cellphone rang.

 A hand moisturized by a cold bottle of water reached for it, not looking at the caller ID before pressing _answer._  

 

 

 

* * *

 

“Bobby-oppa!”

“Hanbin!”

“Can I have a picture, please please?”

Bobby and Hanbin were nearly tripping over themselves trying to get away from the group of fangirls who appeared just as they were about to turn the last corner, fumbling words of thank you’s and apologies bubbling out of their mouths every minute. Until finally, a few girls took control and allowed one last handshake and autograph with the YG artists before attempting to tame the small crowd.

They bowed in haste before leaving the area as fast as they could without seeming that they were trying to flee. They loved their fans dearly, but now was just not the right time.

Bobby was afraid they smelled his body odor.

It didn’t take long for them to reach the YG building. They greeted the watchman at the front and navigated their way to the practice room quickly. Along the way, they bumped into their manager, fondly dubbed as Manager Potter because of his large round glasses.

“Where did you two go?” he eyed them, holding a few papers in his hand.

“Nowhere.” Bobby elbowed Hanbin at his shameless reply.

“We just went outside for some fresh air, Hyung,” Bobby said. “Hanbin wasn’t feeling well.”

Manager Potter’s eyes widened. “Are you sick? Do you have the flu?” Their manager felt Hanbin’s forehead to see if his temperature was high. Hanbin pulled away, an uncomfortable but humorous smile on his face.

“I’m not, I just needed to go outside.”

“What about me, Hyung? Do you think that I’m sick?” He fanned himself, puffing slightly and twisting his face in his best painful act. To his lack of surprise, Manager Potter didn’t even look his way.

“If you say so…” He looked reassured, at least. “I’ll be with you guys in about…” Their manager checked his watch. “30 minutes. Or maybe Yunhyuk will. I’m not quite sure about it yet.”

“Well, don’t hurry~” Bobby and Hanbin tiptoed around the man, who followed their movements with a raised eyebrow. “We’ll be there for another hour anyway. And the hour after that…until night…when people should be going to sleep instead of working and sweating their butts off.”

Their manager shook his head, walking away. “You all chose today to work on the dance routine, not me.”

They shrugged and called their goodbyes, heading once again to the practice rooms.

“Hey, Bobby-hyung,” Hanbin said as they reached the stairs. “What do you say you come work with me tomorrow? There’s something I’m having trouble figuring out.”

“Did you break something or something?” Bobby rummaged through his mini-pack and found a piece of candy. He unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth, saying, “Cause if you did, I’m not going to be much help.”

The younger rapper rolled his eyes. “There’s this melody that I can’t get. I need help squeezing it out.”

“Mm, what type of song is it, again?” He jumped the last couple rows of stairs, followed by a much calmer Hanbin.

“It’s like…” Hanbin clicked his tongue, thinking. “It’s supposed to sound like a soundtrack to this mystical land or something. Like, we start off calm and building up, and then we suddenly reach the point where everything just…explodes into color. I got most of it down, but I can’t help but feel like something’s missing. I need another ear.”

Bobby stopped at the door to the practice room and turned to look at him. “Do you have lyrics written down?”

Hanbin nodded.

“Good. I don’t want to ruin your little project by putting everything you don’t want on there,” Bobby laughed. He opened the door for him and followed Hanbin inside the practice room. “I don’t want another scolding, leader-san~”

Hanbin snorted. “You’re going to get it whether you want to or not.”

“So cruel. And yet you always deny it on interviews.”

“I just don’t like you guys saying it all the time and making…it…”

So engrossed were they in their conversation that they didn’t notice the tension in the air until they turned their heads and saw the members’ faces.

Jinhwan-hyung was holding his phone.

“Hyung?”

The way they stared at him without blinking was giving him more than the creeps. Was it way past 5 o’clock, already? Bobby looked to the clock on the wall. It said 4:59, which meant they were just in time. He turned back to them just in time to see Jinhwan open his mouth and say –

“…They called.”

For a moment, Bobby and Hanbin just stared uncomprehensive at them.

But then, as the clocked ticked the extruciatingly long seconds by, as he looked at each of the members before him, he finally identified their expressions. The blank frozen looks on their faces that he knew only pointed to one thing.

Shock.

His body felt like it was dumped with cold water before going through a blazing furnace. The words bounced along the walls of his mind, a jumble of confusion and burning desperate hope conflicting with horror overtaking his senses.

“Wh-who did?” He didn’t want to believe it was true until he _knew_ for sure.

“Yunhyeong’s mom.” Jinhwan scrambled to get his stuff, with the other members following suit like a pack of deranged chickens. “We gotta go, we gotta go!”

“Wait – wait, Hyung what’s happened?” Hanbin struggled to get the eldest hyung’s attention as he too grabbed his jacket and essentials. “Hyung? Hyung! Wait!  _Jinhwan-hyung, what's happening_?”

“He woke up, Hanbin!” Jinhwan shouted, stopping just as he was about to step through the doorway.

Bobby and Hanbin both froze.

“He woke up and we have no idea how long he will stay awake so stop standing there and  _hurry up_!”

The rappers jolted and scrambled to follow after the other members who had ran out of the practice room as they delayed. They stampeded down the hall, apologizing profusely to the staff members who they frightened and almost ran over without stopping.

They ran out of the YG building and hailed a couple of taxis and Bobby was only faintly aware of the screams of several fans that occasionally monitored the building on the opposite side of the road.

His heart was pounding. There was a sheen of sweat gathering on his forehead and a hot iron pressing against his stomach and – frickin’ heck, the car _would not move fast enough._ Hanbin seemed to share the same idea because he leaned forward and asked the taxi driver to speed up because it is an emergency. He exhaled a bit when he felt the accelerator be put to use.

Donghyuk’s phone rang and he nearly dropped it as he tried to answer. Even without the speaker they could hear the scolding of one of their managers, asking what was going on and “Where are you going and _why are you leaving without anyone with you_?”

Bobby didn’t listen further to hear Donghyuk’s words stumbling over each other due to the jumble of emotions not leaving his system yet. He could understand perfectly. There was no order to his thoughts at the moment and he didn’t believe it would slow down until they reached the Hospital.

Was this really happening? He and Hanbin were just talking about it not too long ago and for this to suddenly come up out of nowhere…was God answering their prayers? _Was Yunhyeong going to be okay?_

The buildings passed by in a blur, but to Bobby’s frustration it still took them 15 minutes to get to the Hospital. Bobby paid the driver and Hanbin practically pushed him to get out of the car. Up ahead, he saw the tall figure of Junhoe just disappear behind the front doors.

It was reminiscent to their arrival more than a few weeks ago, except there were no reporters or fans crowding the entrance and making it difficult to get inside.

Several times, Bobby almost slipped as he skidded around the corners, making sure to slow down enough when there were people going down the halls, Hanbin and Donghyuk following close behind. He caught up to Jinhwan just as they reached the doors of Yunhyeong’s room.

And they all stopped.

Inside…they would see the beginning of their future. The sacred momentous occasion that would determine how everything will play out in the end – their career, their brotherhood…their lives. And none of them were ready to see it, the fear in their hearts overtaking them in an instant as they stared at the innocent door blocking them from the one major step in gaining the answers they yearned for in absolute silence.

And just when Bobby gained the courage to lift a hand and reach for the door…

It opened.

There was no doorway of light that greeted them to their salvation. The morning rays filtering into the room were not angled to reach the door, but it provided them with a soothing assurance.

An assurance that almost caused their hearts to stop when they saw Yunhyeong’s little sister gazing at them with eyes of gorgeous wonder and a radiant smile upon her face.

“He’s…”

If it were possible, Eunjin smiled even wider at Jinhwan’s hesitant utterance. She beckoned them in and they wobbled forward like penguins trying to get through the door all at once. Once they were all through, she closed the door, grabbed Jinhwan’s wrist, and placed a delicate finger to her lips.

“He’s sleeping,” she whispered. Any mounting disappointment was taken away when she continued, “We weren’t there when the doctor called saying that he woke up. But he did a couple times before we got here and now he’s resting again.”

“We…we thought he was awake when you called,” Junhoe said, getting distracted by the bed that lay not too far from them.

“He fell asleep before I called. But the doctor said he could wake up again soon.”

She tried to pull them towards Yunhyeong’s bed, but they remained rooted in place. “Eunjin,” Jinhwan said. The younger sister of Yunhyeong looked at him, but nothing Bobby knew he wanted to say came out of his open mouth. Instead, after some hesitation, he settled on, “How is he, really?”

She looked at all their weary and hopeful faces. And something was going across her mind, something they didn’t know until her eyes shuttered and a gentle expression of trust and happiness came across her face.

“He saw us,” she said gently. “He saw Mom, he saw Dad, and he saw me. And he...he said our names.”

Nothing could express the unadulterated joy that burst in Bobby’s chest like fireworks. His legs nearly shook with the overwhelming relief and he could see that the other members fared similarly. Choked bubbling laughter strangled their voices and it was only after Eunjin shushed them gently and pulled once again that they allowed themselves to be led to the only bed in the room.

As always, Yunhyeong looked great. The light surrounded his body in a cocoon of warmth, but the curtain prevented it from reaching his unblemished face and disturbing his peaceful features.

The members stood around Yunhyeong’s bedside awkwardly at first, but as the seconds ticked by they all started to relax, content to just stare at Yunhyeong’s face and…wonder.

“Noona,” Bobby heard Chanwoo say quietly. “Did he say anything else?”

_Did he say anything else about us?_

And then he remembered.

It wasn’t over yet. It was far from over. Yunhyeong…if the damage taken to Yunhyeong’s brain was strong enough to put him in a coma, who knows what else could be affected? It could be his thoughts, his emotions, his ability to move. And just what if…what if…

What if Yunhyeong recognized his family, but he didn’t recognize _them_?

But before he could even go past that – that horrifying possibility and the foreboding feeling that came along with it, something happened. A tiny bit of movement out of the corner of Bobby’s eye and the sounds of the members’ breaths catching in their throats.

Yunhyeong’s eyes fluttered.

And so it was then, at that 24th day counted down by the number of sunrises, that they watched the eyes that they longed to see for so long open slowly.

Cloudy black orbs that hid the mischievousness, the happiness and the childish joy of the bearer, a lurking fire in its depths.

Eunjin smiled proudly, caressing her fingers through her older brother’s tussled hair. But her eyes still displayed her amazement at the miracle.

They knew the exact moment when he stopped staring at the wall and finally focused on them. The wavering irises that finally focused on their group. Jinhwan stood at the front and Bobby could see the eldest freezing when those eyes landed on him.

Time stood still.

Yunhyeong’s expression remained blank and unreadable. Still under medication and drowsy from sleep.

And then…he closed his eyes again and rolled his head so that it lay on its side, towards the soothing fingers of his blood sister.

Bobby could’ve sworn his heart stopped.

Coldness crashed down upon him like a tidal wave. His widened eyes staring at their second-eldest brother who had so effortlessly dismissed them without a single thought.

“But—wha—?” Donghyuk’s choking voice summed up their feelings entirely.

 “Oppa?” Eunjin stopped moving her fingers and leaned her ear closer to Yunhyeong’s mouth. That they hadn’t noticed had moved, as much as they didn’t hear his voice. A few heartbeats later, she looked up and beckoned towards them. “Jinhwan-hyung?”

Jinhwan’s hand rose halfway in an aborted motion of pointing at himself in confusion. But he moved forward cautiously as the members watched with trembling hearts, not yet wanting to grasp the reality that they could see before them.

Eunjin got out of her chair by Yunhyeong’s bedside and Jinhwan sat down. She grabbed Jinhwan’s hand and, moving slowly so as not to cause alarm, carefully placed his hand besides Yunhyeong’s. Jinhwan stared at his hand that lay touching the slightly larger hand, pale from lack of sun, seemingly uncertain if it was okay.

But before he could even take the initiative, Bobby saw Yunhyeong’s hand move. They watched silently, enraptured as the second-eldest’s hand twitched at the contact and grasped somewhat blindly for Jinhwan’s hand. Yunhyeong opened his eyes again, but this time he was looking straight at Jinhwan. 

Those few precious seconds were agonizingly slow.

Yunhyeong just stared at Jinhwan’s anxious face that was struggling to compose itself for the longest time without saying anything. His eyes blinked several times before slowing, as if wondering if his vision was being deceived.

Then finally he opened his mouth, and this time they could hear him quietly in a slightly raspy deep tone that caused their hearts to shake with unspeakable emotions. 

And at that moment, everything changed.

“…Hyung...Did I leave the stove on?”

For the longest time, you could hear a pin drop on the floor.

Yunhyeong didn’t notice and continued talking with slightly unfocused eyes and slurred words, “...'m...I'm sorry...Hyung.”

The stillness shattered.

Bobby and the members surged forward. Jinhwan slowly hid his face within the hair atop his dongsaeng's head, still clutching his hand like a lifeline as tears spilled out of his cheeks and his shoulders shook violently.

The mattress dipped dramatically as Bobby and the other members tumbled onto the bed, wrapping their arms around Yunhyeong’s torso, laying their head on his chest, his side, his legs, his stomach, careful not to put too much pressure - not just because they knew some wounds could not have healed fully yet, but because they were afraid to break the glass that they held at this moment. 

A glass that was far more beautiful than anything they had ever seen.

And if Eunjin left the room as soft crying began to fill the air or that Yunhyeong’s shoulders also began to shake, none of them were the wiser.

Yunhyeong was awake. Yunhyeong was alive. Yunhyeong _remembered them_.

And as long as he did, they knew in their hearts that the future was not against them. They will live through this. They will learn, they will rise, and they will heal. 

Just like in the past.

Just like now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHECKPOINT 
> 
> [Readers may choose to stop reading by the end of Chapter 4.]
> 
> If you are satisfied with the way Part 4 has ended, you are more than welcome to bookmark up to this point and forget that future chapters are in the making or have been posted.
> 
> Those who are sensitive to heavier angst are encouraged to stop reading. This story will continue as the images running through my brain sees fit - it will become brighter, but it will also become darker, as well.
> 
> If you are not satisfied with the "ending" of the story, I hope to see you soon in the upcoming chapters. :)
> 
>  
> 
> With love,
> 
> Discordance


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